the prostitots network shamelessly presents: slutty mcfug-hick

amidst the unemployment spike, chicago's new candy tax just in time for halloween, mourning the mermaid girl, and my own seasonal depression there's not really anything worth saying about what follows in pictures and youtube-age. if you're familiar with my brand of cynicism and overall distaste for the stickier, blue-light-special brand of american culture, you can use your own imagination (or personal opinion, for that matter) to break this one down.

i'm not one to accuse a child of being genetically cursed where appearances are concerned. however, if this girl is old enough to dress like this (9, for the record), she's old enough to hear the truth:

dear noah cyrus,

hold it right there, little steamer. besidesin' your jacked up rack of shoepeg corn teeth, it's just not sanitary to trim your raggedy-ass elementary 'do with the knife edge of a saran wrap package. face it kid---you slid the wrong way out of the chute with a mug resembling the rougher side of a work mule's bungled nutsack. pull on a t-shirt with your sister's slightly less jacked up maw on it and get thee to 4th grade. if billy ray daddy won't take you, google the bus routes on your iphone. call a cab. hitch a ride on miley's coattails if you have to, but at all cost, get there. learn to read and solve long division. enter the school talent contest if the feeling takes you. tell your old man you don't wanna touch his pee-pee or help him frost his tips. you'd rather work on your science fair project instead.



and that there's just plain trashy. and good little christian kindergartners all across the country are breakfasting on it baked into pop tarts crumbling over the backseat of mama's chevy tahoe.