back from a brief hiatus, i present to you a list of things i learned while not blogging

-if someone is attempting to pry open your personal life with the internet as a crowbar, Google Analytics keyword return feature will tell you.
-if someone who works in your apartment probably steals money from your underwear drawer, you are probably not going to get it back, but you at least deserve some respect from the landlord and new locks on the doors.
-i am moving in by myself.
-i am not moving in by myself.
-i did not spend four years in school and rack up $30K in debt to work a job that in no way relates to my major and in no way respects me as a person.
-i'm not sure if i believe that a person should spend four years in school to rack up $30K in debt to require jobs that in no way relate to your major and in no way respect the person as a person.
-i should only allow myself to keep one small box of books. the rest belong in a better place, and i have a very good idea of how to create and maintain just the right very special place.
-raymond carver is a beautiful writer in so few words.
-the world really does keep getting smaller and smaller.
-sometimes loving a person means that you might spend an average of ten minutes a day hating their ever-loving guts. this can be broken down into two hours in one day and then no minutes for a month. this may also not be the ever-loving gutted person's fault. this may frequently be attributed to the symptoms of pre-menstrual syndrome.
-just because i don't have any money doesn't mean i'm lazy. lazy would not explain my hectic schedule.

i shut the doors for a week and thought a lot about a lot of things. among those things was artistic integrity.

i locked down my blog immediately, because i knew it was being snooped immediately. then i lifted the lock because, well, i am an artist for fuck's sake. i have done things on stage in front of hundreds of people that are way more provocative than anything contained herein. i think i keep a blog because i like keeping a running dialogue with my environment, because i usually have a hard time connecting to it as i move through my day. i like the option to break it down in a formally informal way, something a blog allows that a journal doesn't. i treat it like a running art project, and with that in mind i like the sense of accomplishment i feel when i plug something into it. at least i've written one thing for the day, thought about an idea and developed it verbally and emotionally. if i am mad about something when i sit down to write about it, i usually understand it better by the time i finish. it's an opportunity to re-evaluate and just kind of put the day or an event in some sort of mental order. i like things organized. plus, i can play with different ways to style things and i guess you could just maybe compare it to the closest thing i can get to an office right now. some people like to work from home, some from an office. it's all just space, but they imbue work with very different implications.

obviously, if i print something on here i know that someone other than myself is going to read it. i think that's fine. i think it adds a layer of responsibility to the quality of what i write, and that is a pressure that i like to inflict on myself most of the time. by that same token though, i think i also like to think that people accept a similar degree of responsibility when they read someone's writing in an open forum like that. it is what it is. you shouldn't engage in reading it to denigrate someone (even though i do this). you shouldn't read it to get to know someone that you don't know so that you can approach them in public and refer to them as if you have a pre-existing relationship with them because you read their blog (one of my biggest pet peeves ever). and i guess this gets complicated because, well, serial killers probably keep blogs and i guess if you were to ask me whether i think someone should be deemed guilty of a crime because substantial evidence already points to them and then within a relevant time frame they've written something that supports the existing evidence, i would probably say that guilt is obvious. but if you're not a serial killer, if you're just a writer and a performer and a blogger who by nature of the aforementioned also takes other jobs for livelihood, well, i don't think you owe anyone anything besides the courtesy of anonymity if you are conveying stories that could be hurtful. that can be through construing/omitting names or the use of literary devices.

so with that said, if you have come here for any of the more disingenuous reasons detailed above, you're advised to scoot, scram, skeedaddle or which ever mode of cantankerous departure you entertain. if you're up to something, i'm probably going to sniff it out. i probably already have.

in other news: roll tide, and i think i am going to rebuild my bike a little bit because i am probably a hipster a little bit.